Bottled Up

Apparently I can't fall asleep at all here. To think I could actually sleep inside the lecture hall with the lecturer right infront and many other students around me but not here when almost everyone is asleep. I am very thankful and in love with Apple more than usual. It keeps me out of boredom. Haa. The air here is really eerie. I sneezed alot more than usual today.

Sis wakes up every now and then. Few times of which she vomited. I know vomiting is a very sucky feeling. Moreover she has wound on her stomach. Poor her. Hope she recovers fast. Then she can enjoy her life back. Haha.

I'm really grateful to her when she listens to me complaint during this period of "difficult times" for me. I'm glad she was there because I poured out things I couldn't find anyone to pour out to at that time and especially on last saturday. Apparently at that time, she was the one and only person who knew why exactly that happened to me. She couldn't be there thou but I was glad she replied me. (:

Actually it's not because I couldn't sleep that had me coming back to blogging now. I just..suddenly had some thoughts on something...

Change:

Personally and frankly speaking, I do know I have an extremely bad temper. I do get angry easily. And I don't have a good attitude as well. Seriously, I do want to know why. Everytime I asked myself, I don't get any answer. But I figured it could be that I was borned with it. I want to change as much as others want me to. And I thought I could. I once thought I succeeded but it came back soon after I realized I was already condemned with that. Or perhaps I have never changed. Perhaps I can never change. I don't know..

I'm sure everyone has their own "thing" that they want to change and/or others like them to. It could be someone with a flirt character, someone quiet, someone who always put aeroplane on people, someone who is always not punctual, someone who is always not honest, someone who is self-centered, someone who can't keep secrets, etc.

All these may be what they were borned with and no matter how hard they tried to kick it, it seemed to have already stucked with them.

"I may have done alot of things that I'm not proud of and I don't want to go back to that. But it wasn't all bad. I missed the good parts. But if everytime I made a mistake, you look at me like I'm a bad person, then how am I supposed to find that?" - gossip girls.

Wow. If only I could type like this with many words in mind for my school assignment, I would be a happy student. I have this 3k words essay for a particular module and I highly doubt I could come up with this many words; considering that I couldn't come up with 2k for the previous assignment. Okay maybe because I started typing on the day before it was due. Then I also received a Christmas hamper for this same module. A hamper with 79 pages of 48 questions. Usually I couldn't even successfully complete one question from tutorial, not to mention, 48 of them. This must be the "nicest" hamper I would ever get..

I feel like having wang's chicken macaroni now. My nose is killing me.

Christmas is around the corner. But, I don't feel the christmas mood at all. Perhaps because too much has happened. I don't feel 2011 is coming at all. Totally can. Why is the year ending so weirdly..? Would there be any more unhappiness happening again? Or will there be a miracle towards everything..?

It's 330am. I should get some sleep which I hope I am able to..

My mind is tired; tired of thinking the everything.